i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
