may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Randomize
