That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
