How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
