There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
