Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
