Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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