I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
