How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
