Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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