He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
