it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
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