she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
