If i come over, it means nothing
just come out here and I will go home with you...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
