she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize