So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
