The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
