I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
