I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize