whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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