It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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