Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
