oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
