yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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