found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
