"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
