She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
