Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
