Just took my morning after pill in the library
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
