We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize