where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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