so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Found your dick twin last night
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
