Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
