I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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