His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
