He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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