Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
