I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
