omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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