$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
