Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
