I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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