so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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