Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
