I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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