is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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