Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Success! We fucked roommates!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
