Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
