It's Friday. Sex?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
why do cheetos always look like penises
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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