just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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