Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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