I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
