I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
you win again, gameday.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
