I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
