well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
