I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
