So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize