wat bout pragnant strippers??
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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