Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
