1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
