so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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