I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
