did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
