Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
as a side note pls kill me
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
