tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
