Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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