I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
