When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
