when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
