he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
