This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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