She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
