I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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